Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names...

Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty

Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet

Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty

Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock

Monica Cheng
Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks

Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead

Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs

Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lost till death

Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum

Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow

Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt

Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs

Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin

Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long

Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother

Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death

Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails

WHAT IS MARKETING????

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ' I am very rich. Marry me! ' - That's Direct Marketing'

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ' He's very rich. 'Marry him.' -That's Advertising'

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich. 'Marry me - That's Telemarketing'

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a
drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:'By the way, I'm rich. Will you 'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations'

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:'You are very rich! 'Can you marry ! Me?' - That's Brand Recognition'

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - ' That's Customer Feedback '


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband. - 'That's demand and supply gap'


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market share'


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives. - ' That's restriction for entering new markets '

Funny?

MAHATHIR stands for:

Must
Always
Hantam
Abdullah
Till
He
Is
Removed

退后 lyrics =)

天空灰的像哭過
The sky is gray, as if it has cried
離開你以後 並沒有更自由
After leaving you, I am not any more free
酸酸的空氣 嗅出我們的距離
The sour air produces the smell of our distance
一幕最新的結局 像呼吸般無法停息
The newest result is like breathing, unable to cease

抽屜泛黃的日記 找到了回憶
The yellowed-diary in the drawer has found its recollections
那笑容是夏季
That smile resembles the season of summer
你我的過去 被算是真的忘記
Our past can really be considered to be forgotten
缺氧過後的愛情 如星的眼淚是多餘
The lack of oxygen after love is like the tears of stars, it is unneccesary

我知道你我都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是忘了怎麼退後
We just forgot how to retreat
信誓旦旦給了承諾 卻被時間撲了空
Our oath made its best effort, but it allowed time to make it empty
我知道我們都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是放手會比較好過
It is just that it will be better if we separate
最美的愛情回憶裡待續
The most beautiful love is the type that we carry on in our memories

天空灰的像哭過
The sky is gray, as if it has cried
離開你以後 並沒有更自由
After leaving you, I am not any more free
酸酸的空氣 嗅出我們的距離
The sour air produces the smell of our distance
一幕最新的結局 像呼吸般無法停息
The newest result is like breathing, unable to cease

抽屉泛黄的日记 榨干了回忆
The yellowed-diary in the drawer has found its recollections
那笑容是夏季
That smile resembles the season of summer
你我的过去 被顺时针地忘记
Our past can really be considered to be forgotten
缺氧过后的爱情 粗心的眼泪是多余
The lack of oxygen after love is like the tears of stars, it is unneccesary

我知道你我都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是忘了怎麼退後
We just forgot how to retreat
信誓旦旦給了承諾 卻被時間撲了空
Our oath made its best effort, but it allowed time to make it empty
我知道我們都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是放手會比較好過
It is just that it will be better if we separate
最美的愛情回憶裡待續
The most beautiful love is the type that we carry on in our memories

我知道你我都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是忘了怎麼退後
We just forgot how to retreat
信誓旦旦給了承諾 卻被時間撲了空
Our oath made its best effort, but it allowed time to make it empty
我知道我們都沒有錯
I know that neither of us are at fault
只是放手會比較好過
It is just that it will be better if we separate
最美的愛情回憶裡待續
The most beautiful love is the type that we carry on in our memories

Jokes Anyone? lolsz~

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
"Is that you mommy?"

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frosbite

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk

If Mr. and Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who would be the biggest of the three?
The baby, because he's a little Bigger!

Where do bulls get their messages
On a bull-etin board.

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.

She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?"
He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

The English Language is Difficult

Non-English speaking countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists:

Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.


Doctor's office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan :
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

The best!!! In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel , Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF T HE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia :
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS - WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong :
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

The best!!!! In a Japanese cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

A poem taken from my Email box~

Every college are greedy,
Sini sana all need money,
Their pocket kosong our perut noisy,
I am poor because they sucks my money.

Exam question full of difficulty,
It has a reason only,
Which is to earn more money,
Because we retake money masuk lagi.

The staffs always no aksi,
They did wrong never say sorry,
Before asking please show your money,
Otherwise they wont be happy,
We pay their salary still make us angry.
That’s why i wanna study hard to earn more and more money.

Tiap-Tiap hari feel so lazy,
Never try to wake up early,
Always hope college sekarang cuti,
Everyday go class feel sleepy.

Lecturer always scold me lazy,
Do assignment just like to copy,
Before the final just feel worry,
Every nite study until crazy,
Because scared scold by mummy.

Why my class always no pretty,
Those elephant always show me how she’s sexy,
The monster wanna treat me nicely,
Like that i better mati.

My looking is damn ugly,
Saya mari girl girl lari,
Everyday date them they say busy,
Semua orang tak ada hati,
Make me always so lonely,
Only can watch porno movie.

This is just a small story,
Feel funny and happy,
Actually i am not lonely,
Because I have many friends around me.